we begin on the western edge of Bonwick, a planet full of joy, wonder, political corruption, war and famine. very similar to our own in many ways then. near the lush fields and the mighty city of Autumncall our tale is set in the teensy town of Plop. the sun slowly rose over the dew-sprinkled fields, birds cawed as if to say "get up you lazy gits" and the trees swayed in the breeze nonchalantly. you rise from your bed, stretch, and rub your eyes, sunbeams blinding you from beyond your window. you yawn, that was a great sleep. as you go to tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen, you call for your cat, Cardboard. silence. weird. she's always there for food. "cardboard, come here girl!" still nothing. you begin to panic - why? glad you asked, time for a lore flashback.

for the past three months, peculiar goings on had been going on in Plop, and indeed all across Bonwick. people disappearing, strange noises in the night, and more people disappearing... they wander into a dark alley, and never return. people don't wake up and leave the house. and why was this happening? the satanic cult of Whitney Houston of course! the eternally evil worshippers of the great goddess Whitney, bringer of light and music. they were insane, driven by a desperate, purposeless love of Whitney. it's obvious that S.C.O.W were the ones kidnapping the innocent people of Plop, for their rituals and sacrifices. they operated in total secrecy, nobody had ever seen one of their devoted followers, the Whitnesses. although Whitney was the most almighty goddess of them all, and was nowhere near evil, these devoted lunatics were completely brainwashed.

you search the house, running to her bed. a drop of blood, and a single cat hair. a cliched trail of blood led to the chimney breast, and written upon the wall in obviously what they thought would look like blood, but is clearly red sharpie, are the haunting words: glory to Whitney! the thieving scallywags, how could they do such a thing?! what would they do with cardboard, why could they need her? an innocent and fairly useless cat? whatever the answer, you aren't going to let them take her away that easily. As you stare into the sun, you are filled with determination, you will rescue your beloved cat, and vanquish the evil that is the satanic cult of Whitney Houston! right after you find your other sock!

the journey begins!

proceed